Your Friendly Liberal Neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
The Chad Mitchell Trio 1966
 
Is there a klavern in your town? (In your town)
If not, then why not have us down? (Have us down)

You'll never recognize us, there's a smile upon our face
We're changin' all our dirty sheets and a-cleanin' up the place
Yep, since we got a lawyer and a public relations man
We're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
Ever since we got that lawyer and that public relations man
'Cause we did shoot one reporter, but he was just obscene
And you can't call us no filthy names - What does Anglo-Saxon mean?

Allemande left, allemande right, the Ladies' Auxiliary is meetin' tonight
'Cause the Klan's collected so much cash that now, by gum, we're rich white trash!
 
Now, we've heard it said our leadership's not qualified to lead
Well I'm tellin' you that just ain't true - Why three of them can read
Take our Grand Exalted Dragon, now some folks think he's bad
Well, you should meet his sweet old mother, and her brother, who's his dad

Yes, they're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
And he's gonna run for governor soon as he's out of the can
We're all from fine old families, the pride of all these hills
Yep, seven generations at the same old illegal stills

Had a little rally the other night, shot up town in a fury
Luke's arrested, Pa's on trial, and the rest of us are on the jury

Now, we've heard them call us deadbeats, and we'd like to say we're not
We'll all stand on our record, and that's one thing we've all got
And we only have that arsenal so that you won't raise no fuss
And if you don't like that, then call the cops, 'cause the chances are, they're us

Yes we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
But somehow we went from the fire to the fryin' pan
We never learned to hold a job, and we never learned to write
But boy, we sure have learned the ropes, 'cause we use them every night

Now, when Congress calls you, don't get stuck, just start confessin' and pass the buck
The Kludd blames the Klaxon, the Klaxon blames the Kleagle, the Kleagle blames the Grand Imperial Eagle
The Eagle blames the Wizard, the Wizard blames the Dragon, the Dragon takes the blame, but he's just braggin'

Now, we're out to show the Congress that we're all so nice and meek
Why we never even take the Fifth, 'cause we drank that all last week
And you'll never hear us shootin' or hangin' people high
'Cause we're learnin' to respect the law and to have an alibi

Oh, come, come, come, come
Come to the church in the wildwood
Oh come to the church in the vale
No spot is so dear to my childhood...

And, those dirty, lyin' witnesses, Lord, forgive them what they speak
We would go to church and pray for them... 'cept we blew it up last week

Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
And we sure do thank that lawyer and that public relations man
So we're sorry that we hung them, but they did have quite a tan

And it sure confused your friendly, liberal, misunderstood
Your friendly neighborhood Klan who says, "What's wrong with a hood?"
Your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux
Grab your Cadillac and head for the hills
 
The John Birch Society
Chad Mitchell Trio  1961
 
Oh, we're meetin' at the courthouse at eight o'clock tonight
You just walk in the door and take the first turn to the right
Be careful when you get there, we hate to be bereft
But we're taking down the names of everybody turning left

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a communistic plot
Join the John Birch Society, help us fill the ranks
To get this movement started we need lots of tools and cranks

Now there's no one that we're certain the Kremlin doesn't touch
We think that Westbrook Pegler doth protest a bit too much
We only hail the hero from whom we got our name
We're not sure what he did but he's our hero just the same

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Socialism is the ism dismalest of all
Join the John Birch Society, there's so much to do
Have you heard they're serving vodka at the WCTU?

Well you've heard about the agents that we've already named
Well MPA has agents that are flauntedly unashamed
We're after Rosie Clooney, we've gotten Pinkie Lee
And the day we get Red Skelton won't that be a victory

Oh we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Norman Vincent Peale may think he's kidding us along
But the John Birch Society knows he spilled the beans
He keeps on preaching brotherhood, but we know what he means

We'll teach you how to spot 'em in the cities or the sticks
For even Jasper Junction is just full of Bolsheviks
The CIA's subversive and so's the FCC
There's no one left but thee and we, and we're not sure of thee

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a communistic plot
Join the John Birch Society holding off the Reds
We'll use our hand and hearts and if we must we'll use our heads

Do you want Justice Warren for your Commissar?
Do you want Mrs. Krushchev in there with the DAR?
You cannot trust your neighbor or even next of kin
If mommie is a commie then you gotta turn her in

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Fighting for the right to fight the right fight for the Right
Join the John Birch Society as we're marching on
And we'll all be glad to see you when we're meeting in the John
The John, the John Birch So- ci- I- teee.
 

Familiar...