The Cellar » Parenting the Parents

griff · 12/20/2021 7:10 am

A month ago Pete's mom had a knee replacement. It was done outpatient so Pete stayed with her for a week. Things seemed to be moving along pretty well. Pete kept on her about which knee to lead with etc.. The next couple weeks we looked in on her a lot and things seem okay but she's feeling lonely since she's not getting out as much. We were noticing her memory being a little off. We head to the ADKs to work with the driveway guy and get a hike in and get a text from Pete's brother, she's fallen and is being transported to the ER. They look her over and say she's fine sending her home. Brother and SiL are on the job watching things closely but she falls again so they take her to their house as brother had a long-standing wish for her to move in with them. He's making modifications adding grab handles etc.. really on top of things and she falls again. We stopped last night on the way home and her memory has sunk to the point where she doesn't remember things from earlier in the conversation, example I showed her a picture of our tree and later she asked if she could see a picture of our tree. She fell again before we got home from the visit. BiL is overwhelmed and out of his element. Pete's gonna start calling her doctors today. So yeah, that's going great.

monster · 12/20/2021 10:41 am

I'm so sorry

Clodfobble · 12/20/2021 11:11 am

Wow. It's so hard to watch a decline when it comes so fast. I hope it's all just post-surgery related and she stabilizes again soon.

Diaphone Jim · 12/20/2021 1:02 pm

I would think that outpatient knee replacement would be more for the young and active.
Cognitive problems are often related to deep and/or repeated general anesthesia, something the outpatient thing might alleviate.
Multiple falls are scary. I hope today's doc consultation is a good one.

Limey · 12/21/2021 5:39 am

Wishing you all luck on this one. It is so hard to see this happen to your parents.

griff · 12/21/2021 6:53 am

Thanks guys. We're working the problems.

glatt · 12/21/2021 2:01 pm

Diaphone Jim wrote:
Cognitive problems are often related to deep and/or repeated general anesthesia,

Turns out this issue is pretty common knowledge, but somehow it missed getting relayed to my parents before my dad had bladder cancer surgery earlier this year, so we were all taken by surprise when a guy who was sharp as a tack suddenly started getting up in the night and peeing in the corner instead of in the bathroom, and would sit in a (non-drunk) stupor during the day, not responding to much around him.

8 months after the operation and he's pretty much back to normal mentally, but he might have chosen a different path if he had known about the post operative dementia.

Griff, I'm sorry about what you are going through.

Clodfobble · 12/21/2021 2:20 pm

Non-professional anecdotal thing I'll just toss in here... Nitrous oxide, which is very often used before the IV anesthesia, causes severe depletion of B12, which is one potential cause of cogitive problems. The general scuttlebutt among MDs is that it's no big deal, because your body will just replenish its supply after a few meals. But if your body ain't so great at absorbing B12 anymore (only about 1.5 feet of the dozen-foot-long small intestine can actually absorb B12 at all), or you're someone who doesn't eat a lot of red meat in general, that B12 deficit can persist indefinitely.

If one were interested in testing this out as a potential cause of post-surgery cognitive problems, one would want to look for a "sublingual methylated B12" supplement at the local health-food store.

griff · 12/22/2021 7:08 am

Thanks Dwellars. We'll add this to the potential stuff. We're also thinking about her dog bite previously. Maybe all the antibiotics killed her gut bacteria leading to a yeast infection.

She went back to the Ortho. He found everything to be healing properly but her muscles have atrophied badly from lack of work. She hadn't stuck with the workout routine when on her own. She also had her first PT outside the house. A neighbor transported and my MiL tricked her into not bringing the walker. My SiL was going to observe the appointment so she picked up the walker. Pete had to get on her case.

griff · 7/02/2022 7:55 am

Pete's mom isn't doing great. This morning she is saying she doesn't want to go to New Hampshire for her sides family reunion. *live update* Now she's going. Her lack of confidence is the counter-weight to my Dad's over-confidence. He disabled his tractor in routine maintenance yesterday. He's been driving it all over the country but I see worse drivers on the road every day... just thinking out loud.

Clodfobble · 7/02/2022 8:12 am

Makes me think of the David Lynch movie "The Straight Story," about an old guy who's had his drivers license taken away, but he's determined to go visit his brother before the brother dies, so he takes a multi-state road trip on his tractor.

griff · 7/02/2022 12:08 pm

It might be time for a re-watch. Empathy is probably the secret sauce here.

BigV · 7/02/2022 8:20 pm

Empathy goes a long way.

I have empathy for you and Pete, and my best wishes for the parents.

Last edited by BigV (7/02/2022 8:21 pm)

griff · 7/03/2022 7:12 am

Thanks V, much appreciated.

griff · 12/11/2022 10:24 am

The Marine abides. The rest of the Old-Timers are having their problems. Pete is headed into the hospital for another day of sitting. Her mom was in a ton of pain before the morphine. Looks like gallstones, which incidentally one of the techs told her quietly while the doctors were certain it was something else. To be fair morbid obesity probably makes things harder to sus out.

griff · 12/16/2022 8:23 am

We've been pulling shifts at the hospital. The morphine dose went up yesterday so she's not in as much pain but she also isn't connected to reality. We had our last real communication a day and a half or two days ago.

glatt · 12/16/2022 9:35 am

Sorry Griff.

You mentioned possible gallstones earlier and I know often those can be fixed with surgery. Is there an plan for her that might lead to improvement? It sounds like with morphine being administered, they are just trying to make her comfortable with no plan for fixing her up.

Either way, it sounds pretty horrible and powerless.

griff · 12/17/2022 8:15 am

She passed yesterday, They had to remove the stones before doing the gallbladder surgery. The gall stone removal didn't go perfectly and she suffered a perforation (maybe the duodenum). It was leaking and needed to heal before gall bladder surgery. She was not someone to handle pain and she had a lot. She told the doctor quite specifically that she was ready to die. So, here we are in the post life. She has not been herself since her husband died and this was her chance to control her fate.

Clodfobble · 12/17/2022 8:24 am

It's okay for something to be sad and a relief at the same time. I'm sorry for your loss.

griff · 12/17/2022 10:03 am

Thanks Clod. The girls and I are hanging out reading letters from Gramma doing some crying and laughing as it should be. peace

fargon · 12/17/2022 8:40 pm

What Clodfobble said, Sorry for your loss.

Undertoad · 12/17/2022 10:38 pm

Sorry for your loss sir.

griff · 12/19/2022 7:50 am

Thank you for the kind words guys.

Warning: Unkind words and first world problems to follow
We are now finding out what a shitstorm her finances were despite a nice pension and SS. Pete and I paid the funeral home out of pocket since her taxes are due and there is just enough in her account to pay them. Also a person who shall remain nameless used her debit card to go grocery shopping yesterday because they have no money until the next paycheck despite likely having twice our income. Other leaches from her old neighborhood were getting free iPhones,unlimited data, and cash on a continuing basis as well. She has a car on a three year lease that the nameless person drives. We have to figure that out. I'm sure they got a great deal on the ski vacation in France when they dropped her off in the ER on the way to the airport. Christ I hope Medicare covers. Pete will be shutting off the spigot, but it is straight up too late. She was a very generous woman and it stood her well in life but it sure leaves a mess.

Limey · 12/19/2022 8:28 am

Griff I am so sorry for your loss, even though as you say, your mother (sorry, ETA MiL) said it was her time to go.
And how awful for you to have to deal with all that dishonesty and theft when you should have time and space to grieve.

Last edited by Limey (12/19/2022 5:17 pm)

griff · 12/19/2022 8:48 am

I need to separate the grieving from the irritation.

Pete was talking to a step-sister last night who was rightfully stunned that the cash was burned through. This impacts her because the house needs to be sold and they expected a decent lump sum. As Pete digs through the mess they may be disappointed.