The Cellar / Parents are getting old

**Posted by glatt** 7/14/2022 3:20 pm

On Sunday, I got the call that if I wanted to say goodbye to my Dad before he died, I needed to get up there very quick. Virtually all of his organs were stressed so much, they were each on the verge of shutting down, and the cascading failure meant only one thing.

But here it is Thursday, and he's off of the ventilator and out of the ICU and in a hospital room standing up unassisted.

A lot of confusion on just WTF happened, be we finally found out that the bleeding he had been reporting for a few months and the doctors had poo pooed because it was expected after radiation, had depleted his blood count and he had only a quarter of the red blood cells he should have had. And when you have 25% of the blood you are supposed to, your organs don't respond well to that situation. 5 blood transfusions later and a couple doses of iron IV's and he's a new man.

I'm very happy he's not going to die yet, but I question the quality of the medical care he is getting in this little town in Maine. You know what they call the student who graduates last in his medical school class, right?

The ICU is outstanding though. Even so, you don't want to be there.

Last edited by glatt (7/14/2022 3:25 pm)

**Posted by Clodfobble** 7/14/2022 3:43 pm

Wow. I'm glad your dad is doing better. Is he living alone up there?

**Posted by Limey** 7/14/2022 4:09 pm

Crikey! Sending you supportive thoughts x

Last edited by Limey (7/14/2022 4:10 pm)

**Posted by glatt** 7/15/2022 7:02 am

Thanks! He's with my mom, but they are both in their early 80s, and she can't be taking care of someone who needs significant help.

We'll see what happens, but I imagine he's going to need to go into a rehab facility at a minimum. And possibly a nursing home. He wants to get up and stand and shuffle around, but his cardio doctors are telling him to not get out of bed and have put an alarm on it to alert them if he tries.

So much of this is just waiting to be told what's going to happen. So there is not much point in making plans or thinking about what's next.

I'm leaving tomorrow, but my brother is going to stay for a couple of weeks, and will help with figuring out what's next.

**Posted by tw** 7/15/2022 2:23 pm

glatt wrote:
And when you have 25% of the blood you are supposed to, your organs don't respond well to that situation.

Who said hospital food is bad? Miracles can be found where nobody expects them.

**Posted by monster** 7/15/2022 8:16 pm

I'm sorry glatt. My new job has given me a window into this world like you wouldn't believe -the heartbreak when one of an elderly couple's bodies fails faster than the other, the other one wants to be the carer, their partner wants them to be the carer ...but it just isn't possible, so the weaker one wants to get/pretends to be strong again so it isn't an issue, so they're less of a bother.
...
thinking of you all and hoping for enough improvement to allow them to enjoy more time together and with you guys.

**Posted by glatt** 7/18/2022 1:00 pm

Things change rapidly. I see my last post was Friday morning. I visited him Friday afternoon, before leaving to come home, early Saturday, and he was walking laps around the cardiac ward floor. He gave me a big hug, standing up when I left.

Yesterday he got a colonoscopy and they fixed the bleeding that caused the anemia in the first place. I think he's going to be ok.

**Posted by monster** 7/18/2022 7:35 pm

Yay!

**Posted by griff** 7/19/2022 5:46 am

I'm glad he pulled through. At this age, you just never quite know what's going on with folks. We were probably close to crossing paths last week.

**Posted by Limey** 7/20/2022 10:51 am

Wahey!

**Posted by Diaphone Jim** 7/20/2022 11:38 am

I get a weird feeling every time I see this thread.
I'll be 81 on Saturday,
As Pogo might have said, we have met our parents and they are us.

**Posted by BigV** 7/20/2022 9:12 pm

there's some comedy gold right there.

Well played DJ. Well played.

**Posted by monster** 7/20/2022 9:42 pm

Diaphone Jim wrote:
I'll be 81 on Saturday,

Whippersnapper! Get off my damn lawn

**Posted by BigV** 7/20/2022 9:52 pm

glatt,

thanks for the update, I'm relieved to hear good news. My mom is in a skilled nursing facility. It's hard. But for me... waaah.. what a baby. Her life is not the same as it was, not the same as mine is. But she's in the regular care of people who have far, far more skill than I have. And that's stressful but the least dumb scenario. And I'm not dumb, she's not dumb. So here we are. It's an adjustment.

I hope you all find the adjustments that are best for each of you.

**Posted by footfootfoot** 7/21/2022 7:00 pm

Diaphone Jim wrote:
I get a weird feeling every time I see this thread.
I'll be 81 on Saturday,
As Pogo might have said, we have met our parents and they are us.

Aww. This reminds me of my dad. The original Pogo quote was often on his lips.

**Posted by footfootfoot** 7/21/2022 7:05 pm

glatt wrote:
I'm very happy he's not going to die yet, but I question the quality of the medical care he is getting in the untied states. You know what they call the student who graduates last in his medical school class, right?

The ICU is outstanding though. Even so, you don't want to be there.

Glad your dad was properly diagnosed and is feeling better.

**Posted by glatt** 7/22/2022 7:24 am

Thanks! This is a lesson in listening to an old man.

He said he was bleeding. The doctor said, it's normal. He kept saying he was bleeding a little bit for 3-4 months, but we didn't raise the alarm because the doctor said it was normal. The doctor heard he was bleeding still 4 months later, but wasn't concerned enough to order blood work to see just what the numbers were. A little bleeding was normal.

The symptoms of bleeding too much are that you are low energy. Coincidentally, those are also the symptoms of being in your 80s. So we didn't raise an alarm.

It wasn't until his body basically crashed that the ER ordered a blood test and we learned his hemoglobin levels were in the "life threatening" range.

I'm pissed at his doctor for not doing a blood count, but I'm also chagrined that I didn't take his reports of a little blood every time he went to the bathroom more seriously.

Lesson learned.

**Posted by lumberjim** 1/25/2023 6:13 pm

Bummer ahead....

I'm 52 1/2.... Dad is 81, mom is 79...

Mom has alzheimers.... She's like a child in a lot of ways... Body is not great, but she is fine getting around.. She started showing signs about 8 years ago, but it's gotten to the point now where she can't be left alone. Dont know how long she has left in her...

Dad is as sharp as ever mentally, apart from difficulty remembering names of songs and stuff... Can still play the balls off his guitar....

But... On Sunday he called and told me and told me he just found out that he has cancer in his lungs and liver. Metastatic. That's stage 4.

Oncologist appointment on Monday.

Thought I'd have another 10 years with him. From the sounds of it, I think I'll lose him first.

Losing my daughter was a shock.... And I'm sure far worse than what's to come, but fuck.

I'm feeling the weight of it today.

**Posted by fargon** 1/25/2023 8:41 pm

Very sorry Jim.

**Posted by griff** 1/26/2023 6:54 am

I'm really sorry Jim. I've lost some important Old-Timers lately and its tough. Try to make yourself aware of the rules they have around pain control and your Dad's wishes. Assuming they have a palliative care team, you'll want to work with them. peace

**Posted by Clodfobble** 1/26/2023 3:02 pm

I'm so sorry. Doubly tough to have to worry about care for your mom, too, if he passes. Is Spencer close with him?

**Posted by glatt** 1/26/2023 5:55 pm

I'm so sorry Jim. That's really bad news. How's his attitude? Is he trying to be brave for everyone?

I'm sorry I don't remember this, but do you have siblings to help with figuring all this out and to share the load with you? I'm glad you've got Amanda.

**Posted by TheNeverWas** 1/26/2023 8:12 pm

Sorry to hear that about Dad, Jim. That's a tough lick.

Make memories while ya can people. Our time is finite.

**Posted by monster** 1/26/2023 10:58 pm

Well Bollocks, LJ. I'm so sorry. It's a tough road ahead but we're here for you

**Posted by Limey** 1/27/2023 10:15 am

Yes, that's definitely a Bummer, LJ.
Really sorry to see this. Record some music together with your dad, or just record him playing.
Sending love and strength to you and Amanda to help you through this.