The Cellar / Amuse me with your new similes

**Posted by monster** 6/23/2022 8:44 pm

no, not smiles, or smilies.....similies.

I'm tired of the cliches, even the newer ones...."Hotter than Hell" became "Hotter than Satan's arsehole after a curry" ....both yawn. But I very much enjoy hearing new ones, and I know you lot are imaginative and have a way with words so......

here are three prompts. C'mon, get creative. As many entries as you like for some or all of them. When I feel like it, I will judge and pick an overall winner and they will have the option of setting the next three or I will do it. I'm still the judge, though. Because it's my ball.

As desperate as ___________________
Redder than ___________________
Running like ___________________

and feel free to freestyle it too if something good pops into your head like a wordle-in-one because..... well why not?

**Posted by Diaphone Jim** 6/24/2022 12:23 pm

As desperate as a bd4x owner who lost his lug wrench.
Redder than an embarrassed fire truck.
Running like Rudy's scalp.

**Posted by Carruthers** 6/24/2022 1:06 pm

My creative juices have run dry so I have nothing original to offer, but one that always amuses me is 'about as much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking party'.

**Posted by DanaC** 6/24/2022 5:07 pm

As desperate as a door to door salesman in tent city
Redder than a tomato on a London bus
Running like a politician in the rain

**Posted by monster** 6/24/2022 5:39 pm

Diaphone Jim wrote:
Running like Rudy's scalp.

LOVE this!!!

**Posted by monster** 6/24/2022 5:56 pm

As desperate as a ho in a convent
Redder than Texas
Redder than a student's bank statement

**Posted by monster** 6/24/2022 7:39 pm

Carruthers wrote:
My creative juices have run dry so I have nothing original to offer, but one that always amuses me is 'about as much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking party'.

I always forget that one, my go-to for useless is chocolate teapot.

**Posted by TheNeverWas** 6/24/2022 9:04 pm

Happy as a cat in the sun
Sharper than a pissed off porcupine
Hotter than a two-peckered tomcat

**Posted by Clodfobble** 6/25/2022 8:11 am

Just heard one on Colbert the other night that stuck with me:

[Someone who has] the memory of a goldfish who played in the NFL.

Edit: I know, I know, it's a metaphor, not a simile. Sue me.

Last edited by Clodfobble (6/25/2022 8:12 am)

**Posted by monster** 6/28/2022 10:28 pm

DJ won. 1 point.

Faster than ____________
As helpful as __________
Falling like ________________

**Posted by DanaC** 6/29/2022 5:02 pm

Faster than ____________a baby strapped to a rocket
As helpful as __________a dog with a newspaper
Falling like ____________an Autumn leaf

Last edited by DanaC (6/29/2022 5:02 pm)

**Posted by monster** 6/29/2022 11:18 pm

Faster than a cat hearing a can opener
As helpful as the IRS
As helpful as a 401 error notice
Falling like a new phone in a public toilet

**Posted by monster** 6/29/2022 11:19 pm

Falling like a shart down a trouser leg

**Posted by griff** 6/30/2022 6:15 am

Faster than Benny hits the door when the chickens cry fox.
As helpful as bored old man.
Falling like an NBC news anchor when a Tr*mper lays out a false trail.

**Posted by Carruthers** 6/30/2022 6:49 am

As helpful as an alligator with an arc welder.

**Posted by griff** 6/30/2022 4:07 pm

Now that's helpful!

**Posted by fargon** 6/30/2022 5:49 pm

As a wanna be cowboy said to me once "works like a windshield wiper on a billy goats ass" I still haven't figured out what he was talking about, we were talking about a roto tiller. I guess that big hat made him extra smart.

**Posted by Carruthers** 7/01/2022 4:19 am

fargon wrote:
As a wanna be cowboy said to me once "works like a windshield wiper on a billy goats ass" I still haven't figured out what he was talking about, we were talking about a roto tiller.
I guess that big hat made him extra smart.

As they say, if you want to get ahead, get a hat.

**Posted by monster** 7/01/2022 10:50 pm

fargon wrote:
As a wanna be cowboy said to me once "works like a windshield wiper on a billy goats ass" I still haven't figured out what he was talking about, we were talking about a roto tiller. I guess that big hat made him extra smart.

spreads shit well. But YOU need to make up the new similes NOW. I'm bored with this old stuff........

I'm as bored as an Ambassador Bridge toll collector.

(I swear the %#$@* took a snooze between taking my exact cash toll and operating the barrier)

**Posted by monster** 7/01/2022 11:02 pm

faster than yo mama
as helpful as a fan in a hurricane
falling like the president's approval rating in a recession

As unlikely as Braille subtitles

**Posted by griff** 7/02/2022 12:18 pm

As helpful as this shower 10 minutes after Pete watered the garden.

**Posted by monster** 7/02/2022 4:24 pm

If I need it to rain, I go water the garden. seems to be how it works. I think it must be like running the faucet makes you want to pee

**Posted by TheNeverWas** 3/11/2023 9:26 pm

Hotter than Hell on a holiday

Last edited by TheNeverWas (3/12/2023 6:57 pm)

**Posted by TheNeverWas** 3/12/2023 6:58 pm

Just read this last night:

Grinning like a dog eating yellowjackets.

**Posted by monster** 3/12/2023 7:54 pm

As powerless as a DTE customer