The Cellar / Parents are getting old

**Posted by fargon** 1/27/2023 1:17 pm

Enjoy your parents while you can. There is not a day goes by that, I wish I could talk to my parents.

**Posted by lumberjim** 1/27/2023 11:20 pm

I'm gonna take some time off next month and go visit him... I wanna go to his Tuesday night jam one more time and play music with his old buddies. Amanda is away on a cruise this week and doesn't know about this yet....

Spencer and he are not close... Distance and infrequency of contact... Multiplied by opposing personalities...

My older sister is in the rehab health business, so she's got good advice and questions, younger brother immediately dropped everything and drove down to Charlotte to help this week...

Dad's wife is much younger than he is, and is faced with huge uncertainty about her future.... It'll be a priority for me to reassure her that she is still family when he's gone...

Sigh...

This is normal. Your parents die.

How and when are variable....

Thanks for you guys' concern and all..

I know I'm not super active here lately, but I still think of y'all, and love you like family.

**Posted by Limey** 1/29/2023 5:59 am

It's really really good of you to prioritise reassuring your stepmum. Let your dad know about that too, it'll be a load off his mind x

**Posted by lumberjim** 2/02/2023 8:15 pm

Heading down Monday after next for a few days.

He's going thru tests and biopsies this week and next. Hopefully he'll have an action plan by the time I arrive.

This seems like a new aggressive mass, so I'm hoping they can beat it back, and give him us some more time together.

**Posted by griff** 2/03/2023 7:22 am

I'm feeling you brother.

**Posted by Diaphone Jim** 2/03/2023 12:33 pm

U: The situation you describe simply leaves everything up to you.
The best plans you can make need to start now, starting with a durable power of attorney.
Your and her financial resources will be key.

**Posted by glatt** 2/03/2023 5:22 pm

My Mother in Law is in a similar situation, but not as old. We're trying to convince her to move to a low income elderly housing community like 1 mile away. It's got nice garden apartments. Now is the perfect time for her to move, while she can still get around on her own. If she waits until she has an injury, then it's likely going to be an institutional type place down where she lives in NC,

**Posted by Clodfobble** 2/05/2023 11:13 am

Undertoad wrote:
Mom turned 90 the other day

But her memory is failing and her cognitive abilities seem to be as well. These days I think of things to tell her, and then realize she won't really process or remember what I said.

That's going to be a problem because she has to remember her medications. Not to mention paying the bills, etc. Her slow decline is now a constant worry. She absolutely refuses to go to any sort of assisted living, due to her deep pride in being a fiercely independent woman. I can only hope that she doesn't wind up there after some sort of tragic error or mishap. I'm her only living relative, and I'm two hours away, so I can't help day to day and can't be right there in an emergency.

With the meds in particular, I highly recommend an automated medication dispenser called Hero. It's not cheap (initial outlay for the machine plus a monthly subscription), but it is fucking fantastic.

Fully programmable, plays an alarm when its time to take certain meds, then the patient just pushes the "be quiet" button on the alarm and the exact meds they need to take pop out into a cup. It can handle up to ten medications, notifies you (the caregiver) on your phone if a dose is missed, notifies you when pill supplies are running low, and can sometimes even order refills online for you if you're using certain pharmacies.

**Posted by Limey** 2/06/2023 3:13 am

Clodfobble wrote:
With the meds in particular, I highly recommend an automated medication dispenser called Hero. It's not cheap (initial outlay for the machine plus a monthly subscription), but it is fucking fantastic.

Fully programmable, plays an alarm when its time to take certain meds, then the patient just pushes the "be quiet" button on the alarm and the exact meds they need to take pop out into a cup. It can handle up to ten medications, notifies you (the caregiver) on your phone if a dose is missed, notifies you when pill supplies are running low, and can sometimes even order refills online for you if you're using certain pharmacies.

I was going to suggest something like this. I, too, had a determinedly independent mother who refused to move nearer to me so I could be of greater help until it was too late, so I feel your pain, UT.

**Posted by tw** 2/06/2023 11:17 am

My patents expired after 17 years.

Never mind.

**Posted by lumberjim** 9/15/2023 8:54 pm

My dad passed away in his sleep early this morning. Visited him in July, played guitars, took pictures, etc... The last 3 weeks were pretty rough for him and all of us. But now, peace.

**Posted by Clodfobble** 9/16/2023 9:10 am

I'm sorry, Jim.

**Posted by Happy Monkey** 9/16/2023 11:08 am

Best wishes

**Posted by griff** 9/16/2023 11:19 am

Peace Jim.

**Posted by fargon** 9/16/2023 4:23 pm

I'm sorry Jim.

**Posted by monster** 9/16/2023 9:50 pm

Oh Jim, I'm so sorry

**Posted by lumberjim** 9/19/2023 10:41 pm

Thanks y'all.

It's Tuesday night. For years, Dad had his jam in Ron's loft on Tuesday nights, and he would call me on the ride home to tell me how it went.

Then I started going to eclipse and playing out.... Coincidentally also on Tuesday night...

So for the last year and a half, that call would happen on Wednesday or really late Tuesday. We'd talk about what we played, and who showed up, and how it went...

Tonight I went and played. It wasn't good or bad, but I went and played and sang.

100% sure he'd want to know I did.

So, I guess that's how you keep your parents alive in you. You give attention to how you figure they would react to your action.

Would they be proud of you?

**Posted by Limey** 9/21/2023 12:47 am

lumberjim wrote:
100% sure he'd want to know I did.

So, I guess that's how you keep your parents alive in you. You give attention to how you figure they would react to your action.

Would they be proud of you?

Yes, this is my touchstone now. This is how I still feel their love - that I know they'd be proud of what I'm doing.

**Posted by glatt** 9/25/2023 3:28 pm

I'm just seeing this thread. I'm sorry Jim.

**Posted by lumberjim** 9/29/2023 10:02 pm

Thanks Dan.

Service is tomorrow... I need to get up and walk to the podium and say things.

I do have things to say. Hope i don't choke.

**Posted by griff** 9/30/2023 4:49 pm

Folks won't judge that. Just keep it real.

**Posted by Limey** 10/04/2023 8:34 am

Griff's right.