I first discovered the Cellar when the Inch was only a few months old; I was searching for parenting tips and one of the results was the cellar's tagline for the Parenting thread, raising the shorties so they aren't all messed up and shit or something to that effect. I thought to myself, "These are my people."

It's kind of humbling to think of how much we've gone through collectively and independently: births, deaths, sickness, marriages, divorces, and of course Raising the Shorties. It all happened so fast, one minute I'm thinking I can't wait for diapers to be over and then next minute they are too big and heavy and uninterested in sitting on your lap to read stories.

The Inch is out in LA being a DP and is loving it, mostly. The mm is a sophomore in college and also mostly loving it.

There is a saying attributed to St. Ignatius, "Give me the child for the first seven years and I will give you the man. " Modern psychologist have added much needed nuance to that chestnut, noting that

• Personality traits observed at age 7 predict adult traits only modestly, not definitively; genetics and environment keep shaping who we become for decades
• Longitudinal research shows personality stability is lowest in childhood and increases steadily, reaching its highest point around midlife
• Early temperament, how a child reacts to new situations, novelty, and stress, provides the raw material personality is built from, not the finished product
• Major life events, relationships, and deliberate effort can shift personality traits well into adulthood
• Parenting style and environment interact with genetic predisposition rather than simply overriding it

All of this is a little after the fact by now. I look back and note what I could have done better (if I weren't me) and what I did well. And the rub is how can I be sure? An Italian bike racing trainer whose name escapes me said, "Never copy a champion's training regimen because you don't know if he was a champion because of or in spite of his regimen." So, even though I suspect extensive reading of Beatrix Potter at a young age embiggened their vocabulistics, there could be other factors.

In my darker moments I worry that their growing up with one parent with clinical depression and another with BPD with narcissistic tendencies might have left them a bit under served. Not much I can do now except let it go. But the worry is that because it is so familiar to them it has become normalized and might lead them to relationships with similar type people.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this rambling mess. Thanks for 'listening"