Old  enough to still have most of my mind, and not be in daily pain. Whatever age that is.

I've been thinking about retirement a lot lately.  And thinking about life expectancy.  All the financial models map out spending to the mid 90s, but the actuarial models say I'll be lucky to make it past 85.  There are more years behind me than I have in front of me, and I wonder why I should spend them working.  I'm 58.

Probably half of the old people I know have gotten dementia, and it doesn't look so bad for them as long as it doesn't come hand in hand with anxiety.  Who cares what reality is as long as you are content in the moment?  My MIL has these wild stories of what she has been up to whenever we visit her in her assisted living facility.  Trips to Amsterdam, visits to waterfalls where her glasses slipped off and slid down the rocks, only to disappear.  And then somebody stole her truck, only to return it to the to other side of the building.  Meanwhile, she hasn't left her floor.

Old people get lonely because everyone they know dies, so I don't know that I want to get that old.  Mid 80s is fine with me.  Unless there are huge advances in medicine and dementia treatment for the common man in the next few years, I don't see the point of very old age.  Maybe I'll feel different if I get grandkids.

To you today there is no point.  But think of the most boring activities you do in your life today.  Watching stupid shit on TV or scrolling social media.  Even during those times, when you are mentally checked out, I imagine you still find some base level of enjoyment of life.  I think dementia (as long as it's doesn't include anxiety) is similar. 

If you have anxiety though, it's torture.  There was this one woman at my MIL's rehab a couple weeks ago who kept remembering that her child died.  It was as if she was just learning the news.  She was reliving it constantly. Her wailing and sobs could be heard up and down the hallway. Please put a pillow over my face if that happens to me.

Old enough to say "Too old".  It makes life easier.

And then when I say "Senior Coffee", they finally believe me.
 

My friend's mom turned 103 last year. This year, about halfway to her birthday she decided to stop eating. Still "sharp as a tack" her body was failing in all the ways that a 103 year old body could fail.

While I hope to maintain my cognitive abilities until I die, and I hope to live to at least 85, maybe 90, I wonder about that possibility. I'm in pretty much constant pain ranging from a 2/10 to 8/10 on any given day. Between adhd and many of its comorbidities, left-handedness, lifelong insomnia/sleep issues, I don't think the actuarial tables are betting on me.

Still, there is so much I want to do and see and learn.

I think what will probably stop the clock for me will be related to chronic pain and the fallout from that.
 

 ylMy friend Matthew and I fIgured out alll by our selvs that if you live past 85 you are jus Showing offt

85 might be all right. These billionaire Nazis who want to live forever will do more than one generations worth of damage that isn’t good for humanity or this planet.

griff wrote:

Sorry brother. Pain control is tough business. Making decisions about what to do while actually being in pain would seem to be an impossible task. So much of my emotional state is ruled by activity level that I try not to focus too much on potential for injury,I went over the bars this week without getting hurt so it’s always right there.

We’re doing my Dad’s 90th this weekend. He has always been lazy mentally so age hasn’t made him any sharper. He always needed someone to tell him what to do so these years without mom have been stagnant. If I’m honest with myself watching him fade is terrifying and part of what drove me to move to a more interesting place and focus on being more active in retirement.

Going over the bars and not getting hurt is a feat at any age! Glad to hear you were unscathed. One of my woodworking teachers used to say, "You never know how fast you can take a corner until you wipe out." I think about that often. My new physical therapist is great and has been teaching me some basic shoulder posture as well as exercises.

I always envied people who got "runner's high" or the release of dopamine from activity. It's always been very faint for me, if I get it at all. But in a related way, my emotional state is definitely colored by my ability to engage in activity, or lack thereof.

Right now I'm getting the house ready for sale then I will move to Vermont. Part of that involves culling and "de-accessioning." This thread got me down a rabbit hole of actuarial tables and life expectancy quizzes. Depending on who you ask I've got between 16 and 23 years left. Considering how fast the past 20 years have flown by it's led me to think about what I actually want to do with the rest of my life, which has helped the culling and helped clarify which projects I want to complete and which go to the burn pile.

I'm sorry about your dad's listlessness and its effects on your psyche. Although, not to be a Pollyanna, it seems like it inspired you to make positive changes.

I was talking to my daughter a couple of weeks ago after her first day on a new job in a different town.  (Hudson River Valley.)  She was telling me about the rescue turtle she met that day, and how after she was visiting with it for a while, she had to say her goodbyes because it was the turtle's "enrichment time" and it had to go outside to play.

I've been pondering on that a lot sine then.  Enrichment time.  I've decided now that I'm retired, and the little projects I'm dicking around with are now my enrichment.  And virtually everything I do is now enrichment.  It really pleases me.  

An older friend died last week.  He was slowly disappearing to Alzheimer's and caught a stubborn pneumonia. I think it was footfootfoot who called it "old man's friend" many years ago.  In his case, it absolutely was, but sad just the same.

glatt wrote:

I was talking to my daughter a couple of weeks ago after her first day on a new job in a different town.  (Hudson River Valley.)  She was telling me about the rescue turtle she met that day, and how after she was visiting with it for a while, she had to say her goodbyes because it was the turtle's "enrichment time" and it had to go outside to play.

I've been pondering on that a lot sine then.  Enrichment time.  I've decided now that I'm retired, and the little projects I'm dicking around with are now my enrichment.  And virtually everything I do is now enrichment.  It really pleases me.  

An older friend died last week.  He was slowly disappearing to Alzheimer's and caught a stubborn pneumonia. I think it was footfootfoot who called it "old man's friend" many years ago.  In his case, it absolutely was, but sad just the same.

 
Caught this guy in my enrichment time Sunday morning at Lincoln Pond.

griff wrote:

 
We just emptied our old place. One roll off and 5 pickup loads to the Salvation Army… I need to be a better Buddhist

I was just telling the mm the story of Layman Pang, specifically, "After Pang had retired from his profession, he is said to have begun to worry about the spiritual dangers of his material wealth, and so he placed all of his possessions in a boat which he then s[a]nk in a river. "   (feeling it would be irresponsible to give the possessions away and thus, burden someone else with material wealth)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Layman_Pang

Last edited by footfootfoot (5/23/2026 10:49 am)

But your in-laws did pollute the river.  And created a hazard to navigation.  Some people do not learn what it means to leave the world better than when they inherited it.  Instead, it is only about what they feel.  Not about thinking logically.
 

Last edited by tw (6/05/2026 7:23 am)